Monday, January 10, 2011

What's the problem? I'm happy.

I've been disconnected from the virtual world for too many days due to a corrupted start-up file.  Boo and Hiss, with a dash of "frakkin' machines!" thrown in...

However, I've discovered something relatively unknown to me--I'm feeling optimistic about my life.  Even saying it brings out the Charlie Brown in me (anxiously awaiting Lucy to grab the football & such).  But here is the truth of family will move into our own home in the next five months or so.  This is huge for Paul and I...just to see all of our things again and have our own space.  We can throw parties again, hang nudes & cook at any hour of the day or night. 

I am getting stronger.  Physical therapy started last week and next Tuesday I get my injections.  Normally, this would not be something to anticipate with glee, but I had one last year and it worked like a charm.  So maybe very soon, I'll have significantly reduced pain.  I return to work in February and am trying to just enjoy this time with the kids. 

The snow was truly enchanting.  Paul and the kids made a gender-neutral snowperson.  He/she has pink hair (made out of a hula skirt), a very cool hipster hat with 3 eyes on it and those thingy's hanging down on each side, a black scarf, chocolate kisses for eyes, carrot for nose and a big smile made out of a thin vine.  She/he is gorgeous and once we are connected...I will share our transgender snowperson with the world.

Tax refund season is almost here.  Enough said.

Freezer is stocked, frig is full.

I'm not watching or reading much news--taking a bit of a break from all of that for the last month. 

Believe me, I have a ton of stuff to complain about, worry over and devastate my frame of mind...I'm just choosing denial.  When you put in 12 years as a Social Worker, you deserve a little denial.  You can't look despair in the eye everyday and pretend all is well with the world. 

Kids are healthy, smart, funny and strong.  I'm mad for my husband.  He grew a beard and it is so awesome.  He didn't think he could do it, but it is coming in nice and furry now.  Riley is reading "Harry Potter" (the first one) and is already on Ch. 12.  It is part of our new deal--for every hour of video games, he has to read half that time every day.  Saoirse is growing more diva and sweeter every day.  And gosh, he is just about 70% sugar and the rest is just mischief. 

I did a Tarot reading today and the result was essentially as if someone yelled at me:  "Don't be afraid, don't edit, don't hold back--GO BIG." 

My friend Kari and I are planning our writing workshops slowly, but surely.  I'm re-reading "Persephone Returns: Victims, Heroes and the Journey from the Underworld" by Tanya Wilkinson.  Jungian in perspective--big on how narrative can allow us the space and freedom to confront archetypal hopes and fears.  It is hitting me differently this time around. 

Also finishing up "The Living Dead" (Vol. 1) and the great Roddy Doyle's "A Star Called Henry."  When you add in all the fantastic films and tv I get to watch--I can live without the Internet--I just miss my friends. 

Strength in mind, body and soul.  I can feel it coming down the pike.  I have no doubt.  Maybe this is the year I turn a big corner and discover new worlds within and without.  Maybe I do this all the time and am too mired in the day-to-day to notice.  I will not stumble through and take any crumbs. 

All this hope sort of befuddles me.  I'm not used to it.  I'll say this much:  I'll figure a way to keep it burning--I know how to protect coals and reignite them easily.  Am I in love with the world again? 

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