Normally, I think less of people who (in various ways) try to avoid reality. It seems cowardly to me...disengaged & apathetic. I have pretty much dedicated my life to the opposite of burying one's head in the sand. But, today--I want some sand.
Partly because I'm tired and hurting...partly because I'm feeling a bit inadequate because my Husband and 2 out of 3 kids are sick and I cannot seem to be able to take care of everyone well. I don't have the physical strength of endurance. Part of it is that I had to go to Wal-Mart today for something specific...this is an activity I look forward to as much I anticipate dental work. Part of it is that I had a great surprise planned for the hubs (his b-day is very soon, as is our 6 yr. anniversary {not wedding, just when we really jumped in w/both feet}) and Valentine's and it was all ruined because my youngest got seriously ill yesterday. He had never had any asthmatic symptoms before...but, by the time I had cancelled all the plans & the babysitter and gotten him to the Doc--he was in an emergency situation with regard to a lack of oxygen. My oldest son has periodic asthmatic symptoms triggered by allergies...and I HATE IT that my wee one might have to deal with the same thing.
So I'm whining--wallowing in my misery and wanting to just disappear for a bit...but a mother's job and a wife's job is really not contingent on how you feel or what you want is it?
I definitely need to adjust my attitude. Maybe a glass of wine would help. Maybe a hot bath later when kids are medicated and sleeping...maybe I just need to suck it up and do what needs to be done.
Just venting today...all the elation I felt yesterday (literally in my body) about the events Egypt are still dormant...
I'll quit now. I promise--no more whinging about how hard it is to be me today. The truth is I'm always blessed. and just have to refocus my perspective by force.
Ok, done.
No comments:
Post a Comment