Saturday, February 12, 2011

When do I get to be an ostrich?

Normally, I think less of people who (in various ways) try to avoid reality. It seems cowardly to me...disengaged & apathetic.  I have pretty much dedicated my life to the opposite of burying one's head in the sand.  But, today--I want some sand.

Partly because I'm tired and hurting...partly because I'm feeling a bit inadequate because my Husband and 2 out of 3 kids are sick and I cannot seem to be able to take care of everyone well.  I don't have the physical strength of endurance.  Part of it is that I had to go to Wal-Mart today for something specific...this is an activity I look forward to as much I anticipate dental work.  Part of it is that I had a great surprise planned for the hubs (his b-day is very soon, as is our 6 yr. anniversary {not wedding, just when we really jumped in w/both feet}) and Valentine's and it was all ruined because my youngest got seriously ill yesterday.  He had never had any asthmatic symptoms before...but, by the time I had cancelled all the plans & the babysitter and gotten him to the Doc--he was in an emergency situation with regard to a lack of oxygen.  My oldest son has periodic asthmatic symptoms triggered by allergies...and I HATE IT that my wee one might have to deal with the same thing.

So I'm whining--wallowing in my misery and wanting to just disappear for a bit...but a mother's job and a wife's job is really not contingent on how you feel or what you want is it?

I definitely need to adjust my attitude.  Maybe a glass of wine would help.  Maybe a hot bath later when kids are medicated and sleeping...maybe I just need to suck it up and do what needs to be done.

Just venting today...all the elation I felt yesterday (literally in my body) about the events Egypt are still dormant...

I'll quit now.  I promise--no more whinging about how hard it is to be me today.  The truth is I'm always blessed. and just have to refocus my perspective by force.

Ok, done.

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