I am aware I'm about to destroy some of my credibility with some readers. It is with dismay that I report that I am regularly as shallow as all other Americans. How you ask? Well, there are more than a few damning facts:
1. I don't run for any reason...even if I'm on fire. I don't believe in running. My people don't run, we watch other people run and eat fried chicken.
2. Not only do I always watch American Idol--I pick out song choices, branding and do my own critiques of each contestant. My husband abandons me during this stretch every week, clinging to Netflix like a man lost at sea. And as long as I'm "out" as an American Idol fan, let me just say a few things about the season thus far. Pia--no matter what she does, she'll make lots of money on a few drippy love songs. Haley--I will buy anything you put out, but I'm hoping you stick to your honey spot--blues. Casey--I just hope it is true that you are macking on Haley (!!!). Stefano--not a fan, but your rendition of "When A Man Loves A Woman" was stellar. James--will find a band and be moderately successful. Paul--he of the blinding teeth and raspy voice--I know people who know you and thus know where you live--you are so frakkin' hot and I love your voice, flowery suit and that you covered a Ryan Adams song on AI. Jacob--come on to Nashville and meet the Wyans...they will be your best friend. Lauren--you should stay in LA and make country music...I just don't like you. Scotty--you look too much like the former President W for my liking, but your future is secure right here in Music City.
3. I don't buy off-brand toilet paper. Some things are too important to skimp on.
4. When I am depressed, I watch Law and Order marathons like some people eat pies.
5. I care what I look like at all times. Vanity, vanity, vanity...all is vanity. I have never worn the same outfit to work in 5 years.
6. About once a week, I check in with Perez Hilton. Sometimes I click through several pages.
7. On some days, nothing will satisfy me but a hotdog with mustard.
8. Despite very earnest intentions, my car is what polite people call a "trash heap."
9. Family Guy is always funny.
10. I buy my daughter Barbies and my sons Action Figures. I have become that which I used to fear.
It is what it is folks--even the most contientious person acts like a slob sometimes. Hell, I even like to watch Extreme Fighting on Friday nights--sue me.
No comments:
Post a Comment